march 11, 2026- 8:28 pm
today was epic. school was pretty good and then i went to the skate park with avery and his friend carlie. i just kind of sat and watched avery skate around and then it started storming really bad as he drove me home but it was beautiful and cool. it was soooo warm out today and it felt so nice. we rode in his brown vw with the windows down and the breeze messed up my hair and it felt sooo good. i went home and then i went back out to get a second hand board and practiced my ollie (which is shit) but it was fun. now going to play animal crossing and maybe nate will come over . awesome ass wednesday
march 6, 2026. 10:47 am
ok I feel a lot better today. i was feeling kind of underappreciated I think, but I hung out with nate yesterday and everything kind of resolved itself. I don't know why this happens to me, I'm trying to work on it. anyway, he was being really really sweet and it made me feel a lot better. I think I just don't like when he's sad.
other news… i got an invitation to NYLF's medical summer program. i really want to go because it's at Yale and you get to work in a lab all week. I feel like it would be a good experience but the tuition is very high and it wouldn't benefit me in college at all, because it's not exactly prestigious and more expensive than anything. I don't want to make my parents spend money on something that wouldn't help me and I also don't want to be surrounded by annoying rich smart kids. there's a lot of things to think about. I wish I could have gone to the one at Umich so I could have seen jasper, but hopefully there'll be another opportunity soon. i'm dreaming of summer so hard.
leaving school early today, going home with nate and maybe getting milk tea! i hope I have a good weekend, unfortunately I'm working both days again. whatever. I want to watch movies and smoke a joint sooo bad!!!!
march 5, 2026. 12:01 pm
hi everykitty.. it's been a minute..!! something big: i've been on lexapro for about 2 months now. it's weird but i feel a lot better. I don't feel as worried, which is obviously supposed to happen, but I also feel a lot brighter, less agitated. it's so bizarre. it's felt like a really big change to me but I don't think anyone else knows how much it means to me, to not have to feel so afraid. I don't know. I cut and dyed my hair, grace bleached it for me. it looks super fun, although I already miss having longer hair. i really want to pierce my lip. i've been drawing a lot of unicorns and playing a lot of animal crossing.
i've also been feeling kind of lame about work and my boyfriend. I stopped working on thursdays, which is nice, but I also barely make any money. $150 every 2 weeks if i'm lucky. it's not sustainable for long, especially if i'm getting my license soon and I need to pay for gas. I might have to work two jobs soon. and although I feel less erratic and volatile when it comes to nate, i keep feeling disconnected from him. I don't know if he's going through something but he just won't tell me, and it's stressing me out. I feel like we don't talk at all. I know we're busy but something feels wrong and its making my chest hurt to think about. I don't know. I know he doesn't read this anyway.
whatever I'm in precalc and I'm about to watch sex drugs and rocknroll with eric bogosian instead of doing my homework. see ya
12:16 pm- I changed my mind. now watching rushmore 1999.
12:39 pm- this might become my new favorite Wes Anderson. also bill Murray is so hot my head is spinning. sorry
2:06 pm- I just completely bombed my physics test. I seriously didn't study at all and I paid for it. I am getting so burnt out
January 30 - 11:56 pm
i can’t believe i havent started this yet because im always liveblogging to my journal. anyway. january is almost over and although i feel kind of bad right now, this month has gone pretty well. i was having a rough time at the end of december for some reason but i feel like things are starting to look better. i haven’t had school all week because of snow (!), which hasn’t happened since 2016 apparently. i feel like im finding myself more everyday, which is heartening. sometimes i still feel like a child and a poser. i’m worried about (tw) my weight because i can’t seem to stay above 105 lbs. it frightens me. afraid ill never seem like a man like this. 5’4” and 100 lbs and a see-through dirtstache. sometimes i just feel like a weird girl. i’m on lexapro now and i can’t tell if it’s working or not. i think i feel better in the long run, but i have moments where nothing feels ok at all. im working on feeling less extreme and trying to look at the big picture. it will pass.
anyway im going to play some zelda or watch youtube and go to bed
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